Physician-Led, Comprehensive Surrogacy and Egg Donation
How to Choose a Sperm Donor: A Complete Guide for Single Parents and LGBTQ+ Families
Choosing a sperm donor is one of the most personal decisions in the family building process. It can also feel like one of the most overwhelming — pages of profiles, dozens of characteristics to consider, and a decision that feels impossibly significant. The good news is that with the right framework and the right support, the process becomes far more manageable. This guide walks you through everything you need to know: what sperm donor banks screen for, how to read a donor profile, what really matters versus what doesn't, and how NEFI's team supports you through the decision.
Types of Sperm Donors: Known vs Anonymous vs Open-Identity
Before exploring donor characteristics, it's important to understand the three categories of sperm donation available in the US.
Anonymous donors: Historically the most common arrangement, in which the donor's identity is not disclosed to the recipient or the child. Truly anonymous donation is becoming less common — many banks that previously offered anonymous donation now only offer open-identity donors, reflecting an evolving understanding of donor-conceived individuals' rights to know their genetic origins.
Open-identity (ID-release) donors: Donors who have agreed that donor-conceived children can access their identifying information when they reach age 18. This is now the most widely recommended arrangement by fertility specialists and psychologists, as it preserves the future adult's right to access their genetic history without requiring contact in childhood.
Known donors: A person known to the intended parent or parents — a friend, family member, or acquaintance — who agrees to donate sperm. Known donor arrangements involve additional legal and medical considerations, including a quarantine period for the sperm sample and a formal legal agreement clarifying the donor's parental rights and responsibilities (or lack thereof).
💡 The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the majority of reproductive psychologists now recommend open-identity donation as the default, recognizing that donor-conceived individuals consistently report that access to their genetic origins is important to their sense of identity. NEFI supports intended parents through whichever arrangement is right for their family — with full information about each option.
What Sperm Banks Screen For
Reputable sperm banks in the US — those regulated by the FDA and following ASRM guidelines — conduct extensive screening of all donors before their sperm is made available. This includes:
- Medical history: A comprehensive personal and family medical history covering hereditary conditions, chronic diseases, and known genetic disorders.
- Genetic screening: Extended carrier screening for recessive genetic conditions (cystic fibrosis, spinal muscular atrophy, fragile X, and many more). The scope of genetic screening has expanded significantly in recent years.
- Infectious disease testing: FDA-mandated testing for HIV, hepatitis B and C, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and other communicable diseases — repeated at the time of donation and after a quarantine period.
- Semen analysis: Only donors with excellent sperm parameters (high count, motility, and morphology) are accepted — typically the top 1–5% of applicants.
- Psychological evaluation: Donors undergo psychological assessment to ensure they understand the implications of donation and are making a fully informed, autonomous decision.
A 2021 review in Fertility and Sterilityexamining expanded carrier screening in sperm donors found that broader genetic panels significantly reduced the risk of donor-conceived children inheriting recessive genetic conditions — reinforcing why genetic screening scope matters when selecting a sperm bank, not just an individual donor.
What to Look for in a Donor Profile
Donor profiles typically include a combination of physical characteristics, educational and professional background, personal essays, childhood photos (at some banks), and genetic screening results. Here is how to approach each category.
- Physical characteristics: Height, weight, eye color, hair color and texture, skin tone, and blood type are all listed. For many intended parents, finding a donor who resembles them or their partner (or who reflects the ethnicity of their family) is a priority — and this is completely valid. However, physical resemblance to a donor does not determine the appearance of the child, which is influenced by the complex interaction of both genetic parents' contributions.
- Health and genetic history: This is the most clinically important section. Review the donor's personal health history and family health history carefully. Look at the extended carrier screening results — understanding which conditions the donor is a carrier for, and cross-referencing with your own carrier screening results, is essential to assessing genetic risk. NEFI's clinical team can walk you through this process.
- Personal essays and staff impressions: Most banks include short essays written by the donor about their motivations, personality, and values, alongside written impressions from bank staff who have met the donor in person. These provide a more dimensional picture beyond physical data — many intended parents find these sections the most meaningful part of the selection process.
- Audio interviews and childhood photos: Offered by some banks at an additional cost. Childhood photos can be particularly helpful for intended parents trying to assess physical resemblance; audio interviews offer a sense of personality and communication style.
How to Approach the Decision Without Overwhelm
The most common experience among intended parents choosing a sperm donor is paralysis by analysis. The profiles are extensive, the characteristics are numerous, and the decision feels too important to get wrong. A few principles that help:
Start with non-negotiables. Before browsing profiles, write down your actual non-negotiables — the characteristics that genuinely matter to you and why. This list is almost always shorter than people expect.
Separate the emotionally significant from the clinically significant. Health history and genetic screening results are clinically significant. Hair color is emotionally significant. Both matter, but they should be weighed differently.
Don't optimize for perfection. No donor profile is perfect, and seeking the perfect donor is a way of never choosing one. Focus on the characteristics that genuinely matter to your family and your child's future health — and trust that the rest will take care of itself.
Special Considerations for LGBTQ+ Families
For same-sex female couples, reciprocal IVF — where one partner's eggs are fertilized with donor sperm and carried by the other partner — is a beautiful way for both partners to be physically part of the pregnancy. In this case, the sperm donor is genetically connected to the child through one partner's egg.
For single mothers by choice, the donor selection process is often approached with particular thoughtfulness around open-identity donation — many solo parents specifically choose ID-release donors, so their child has access to genetic information and potentially the option of contact in adulthood.
For transgender women and non-binary individuals who have not preserved their own sperm, donor sperm combined with egg donation and surrogacy enables genetic parenthood through a partner's or donor's eggs. NEFI's team provides affirming, knowledgeable guidance through all configurations.
For a full overview of how sperm donation fits into the surrogacy process, read: How Surrogacy Works in the US: A Complete Step-by-Step Guide for Intended Parents
How NEFI Supports Your Donor Selection
NEFI works with leading FDA-regulated sperm banks and can guide you through the selection process with clinical input — including cross-referencing your own carrier screening results against a shortlisted donor's genetic panel.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I use the same sperm donor for a second child? This depends on whether the donor is still active in the bank's program and whether sufficient vials are available. Many intended parents purchase additional vials at the time of their first cycle specifically to reserve supply for future siblings. NEFI's team can advise on vial quantities based on your family planning goals.
What is the difference between IUI and IVF with donor sperm? IUI (intrauterine insemination) involves placing prepared donor sperm directly into the uterus around the time of ovulation — a lower-cost, lower-intervention option suitable for women with no significant fertility issues. IVF uses donor sperm to fertilize eggs in the laboratory, with the resulting embryo transferred to the uterus — recommended when there are additional fertility factors or when genetic testing of embryos is desired.
Will my child be able to find their genetic donor? If you use an open-identity (ID-release) donor, your child can request the donor's identifying information from the bank when they turn 18. This is a decision made now that protects your child's future autonomy. NEFI strongly supports open-identity donations and can discuss this in detail at your consultation.
Is there a legal risk that a sperm donor could claim parental rights? In the US, sperm donors who donate through FDA-regulated banks with a formal legal agreement in place have no parental rights or responsibilities. Known donor arrangements require a specific legal agreement to establish the same protection — NEFI's team will refer you to a reproductive attorney to ensure this is properly documented.
Your Family. Your Choice. Our Support.
Choosing a sperm donor is one of the most personal decisions you will ever make — and it deserves the time, information, and support it requires. NEFI's team is here to guide you through every step: the clinical decisions, the legal considerations, and the deeply human ones. Start with a conversation.
Written and reviewed by: Dr. Michael M. Guarnaccia, MD, MPH